Dear Alice,
I am placing a formal request that you refrain from jumping on my back in the middle of the night and trying to sleep there. Also, it is very creepy to wake up in the middle of the night to you staring at me, 3 inches from my face. I'm aware that you are plotting my demise, but do you have to be so obvious? Thankfully, I moved as you scratched me this morning, so you missed a vein! I guess throwing up this afterwards was your retribution?
Signed, the person who cleans your litter box and buys your food
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